Tag Archives: Tilda Swinton

“Snowpiercer” is the worst movie I’ve ever watched

Tilda Swinton’s considerable acting chops are on display in this movie as perhaps the most annoying bureaucrat ever, but it’s all for naught.

As you can tell from the scene above from the movie “Snowpiercer,” they apparently have cows (and chickens) on the eponymous train to provide a meat locker in a very long perpetual motion vehicle which is the last refuge of humanity after a climate catastrophe. They also have an elaborate aquarium to provide fish and a train car or two made into greenhouses to grow crops. 

The wealthy passengers in the front of the train (think First Class on a plane) want for nothing. While the scum in the back of the train are treated just as poorly as any coach passenger on United Airlines could expect to be treated. Even worse. (But not by much.)

In fact, the back passengers are made to stay in their place in the grime where they are fed nothing but gelatinous protein bars we learn, to the lead character’s horror in one scene, are made from insects.

At first I thought, “OK, the only reason the wealthy passengers are keeping the poor passengers alive is for food.” But the insect scene dispenses with that theory. 

After watching a movie full of nonsense these things stand out in my mind:

  1. Anyone who’s spent any time around a livestock operation knows that cows consume tons of food. Cows are also big. Where are they kept in this train? Where are they slaughtered? 
  2. The genius who dreamed up this fantastical train apparently is not genius enough to know that all the things you can do on the train you could do more easily and more efficiently in a stationary building or buildings.
  3. The movie’s lead actor, Chris Evans, should fire the agent who did not see through this awful script. Evans manages to wring some sympathy and heroism from his part, but the entire thing falls to pieces almost immediately.
  4. People all over the world eat insects without any harm coming to them. In fact, some scientists argue that cultivating insect protein on a commercial scale may be a great way to solve food crises around the globe.  That and, you know, stopping wars.
  5. Insects have to eat. What they are fed is never made clear in this film.
  6. Poor Ed Harris, who plays the chief villain. I always thought of him as a distinguished actor. Then again, he did appear in “David Cassidy: Man Undercover” and “CHiPs” so his career has basically returned to where it once was, apparently.
  7. The movie has a 7.0 out of 10 rating on IMDB, proving that site is not always on target with its rating system.
  8. If a movie is in the bargain bin at the store where you shop, it is likely there for reasons you should not ignore.
Even the star power of Chris Evans can’t save this one.